My work friends and I had an after work routine called "Spin... BERLIN!" Not only is it catchy, it rhymes and I'm really into rhyming. Spin was your typical gay bar and what makes gay bars so fabulous is the super cheap drinks, specials every night, and safe male filled atmosphere of men that aren't going to attempt to bone you. There is always an occasional booby touch but it's only because they are curious. It's all in fun.
The often sketchy smorgasbord dance club Berlin draws a diverse crowd consisting of your random euros, drag queens, cross dressers, gay men, lesbians, trannies, fag hags, "straight" men, and very sketchy randoms. Most people came to Berlin for the music. The bar is set up surrounding a dance floor. If you don't dance, Berlin is not your spot.
One evening, I was dancing like crazy and a sketchy random kept getting close to me. I was wearing a cute brown corduroy blazer with front pockets, a low cut dago tee, and some dark wash jeans. The blazer and dago tee gave me a "hello i'm lesbian friendly" look so it bothered me that the sketchy random wasn't getting the message. Wearing apparel with pockets were always a priority because I just can't dance with a purse. I'm not one of those girls clenching there bags and holding there drink moving side to side. I need a full range of arm movement. I'm a dancer! I don't want to look like a department shopper swaying side to side.
Back to sketchy random: He kept on bumping into me. What the fuck? I don't care if you are drunk, you aren't supposed to bump into a lady that is getting her groove on unless she invites you, and there was no invitation. I moved away and went for my pocket to check if my phone had a text. Hand in pocket, no phone.
The mother fucker stole it. I knew it was him. The idiot was too stupid to leave. So I decided to get smart on HIS ass.
"Hey Mr, give me my phone back" I said.
"I don't have your phone" he said.
"I need my phone, I know you have it!" I said.
"I DON'T HAVE IT LADY" he said.
I began to examine the man very closely. In the pocket of his jeans I could see the shape and size of my phone. I knew he had it, I just knew. How was I going to get my phone? This is where my background in theater really came handy.
Fake crying with real tears I starred him straight in the eye, "I need my phone more than anything in the world. I can't afford to buy a new one! Please sir I'll do anything to get it back. I'll give you money, I'll buy you drinks the rest of the night! Anything, just please, please give me my phone back.!"
"Buy me a Corona!" and he reached into his pocket and dropped my phone on the floor.
"You got it!" I grabbed my phone and walked towards the bar pulling out my wallet to "buy a drink". The minute I was hidden by a crowd, out the door I ran! Taxi! Taxi!
Luckily there is always more than a few cabs outside Berlin and I hopped into one pronto and was off. Leaving my friends behind was no problem because I was able to text them what had happened. Safe in a cab, almost home, and with my phone. What an exciting night!
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